Founding Father Issues
The founding fathers of America never taught you how to throw a ball? Never taught you how to work on cars?! Never helped you with your math homework?! Never showed you how to win a revolution?! No wonder you have daddy issues!!! Or more specifically, Founding Father Issues. We say there's no better way to cope with these types of problems than some patriotic retail therapy. You should snag a pair of these Founding Father Issues sunnies before they also ditch you (probably for some tramp like Carl the Flamingo).